Because Of Kian by Sibylla Matilde
I know I’m twisted.
Growing up in a perfectly well-adjusted home, I don’t really have an excuse. But no matter… I realize how messed up I am. And therapy can only do so much.
I pushed my boyfriend to violence, a violence he couldn't control. Sickly, I almost liked it. So I pushed him more. Before long, the pain outweighed the pleasure and the loss I sustained shattered me. So I ran. I’m now a bit shell-shocked harboring a lot of guilt. My boyfriend is now my ex and wants revenge. He wants me to pay for turning him into the monster he’s become. And I still have a deviant yearning that I don’t understand. My own monster inside… my own demon to battle.
I can’t get close to anyone. I can’t give in and scratch that itch. I can’t wreck someone else.
And now there is Kian… my rescuer on a dark, painful night. He sees through my pretense. He tries to pull me from my frightened isolation, to keep me from becoming a victim. He forces me to face my warped desires and shows me that pain doesn’t really have to truly hurt.He wants to show me a way to serenity.
But I am afraid… Will I ruin a good man?
Kelly - 5 Crowns
Because Of Kian is a deeply profound, beautifully written standalone that delivers. From lust to love, self-preservation and heartbreak, to acceptance and finally, absolution; Brynn and Kian’s journey is not one you will forget anytime soon. A MUST READ! ~ Kelly, Perusing Princesses.
I absolutely loved this book, even thought parts of it, including the flow were not always perfect, I just couldn’t seem to bring myself to care. I enjoyed how Brynn and Kian’s story unfolded even if it did seem a little rushed at times I was just thankful there was no unnecessary bullshit. Sometimes, a book can be padded out with angst for the sake of it, but you won’t find that here because this story, in all its adulterated glory was created with the ideal balance of angst, steam, love, lust and hate - making it the perfect standalone read.
Finding pleasure in pain is a common theme in many books of late, but finding deliverance in believing you are different, only to have your way paved by another who understands what it is to find solace and personal acceptance tied in ropes is primarily the feature of this book.
Brynn’s love of living dangerously, walking a precarious fine line between sexual submission turned physical abuse a drive that propels her forward when her ex boyfriend, Evan takes it to the extreme, destroying the love and trust she thought once existed.
Living with the guilt of breaking another and fearing the repercussions is what takes Brynn to Bitteroot; just a new face in a small town keeping herself distanced from others. Her only outlet is Hyper, a nightclub where she can expel her hurt through dance.
Kian watches her closely, the beautiful girl who shuns any advances from others. His world and hers do not seem destined to collide until one night changes everything…
Evan finds Brynn and attacks her ruthlessly, only then to be thwarted by a tall, longhaired, leather-clad biker who teaches him a lesson in manners.
Brynn is upset by the assault, but visibly shaken as this stranger offers to take care of her and teach her self-defence tactics at his gym. Her fear of Evan finding her again overrides her reluctance to take Kian up on his offer, as she finds herself befriending another for the first time.
Kian is everything Brynn could only ever dream of but never have. He is caring, strong, beautiful, a considerate lover and a good friend, but Brynn isn’t like other girls - she breaks, destroys, and will leave them both broken hearted if she doesn’t get out now. With these new escalating feelings comes fear at losing the best thing that has ever happened to her as she tries to distance herself believing nothing good will come out of being with someone like her. If you love someone, you let them go… but Kian is not the kind of man to just walk away.
Oh Kian, how I love thee. Brynn is such a broken character, her fear and self-hatred overriding her common sense when it comes to embracing newfound happiness. But he sees it, senses it and shows her a new way and throughout it all, remains strong and totally in control.
Being with a loose cannon, a woman accustomed to abuse is a bitter pill to swallow given his Mother’s untimely demise. Although, he wants to protect Brynn more than anything, she isn’t just a damsel in distress but the love of his life, and his attentiveness to her specific needs outweighed the hatred she felt for herself making him the perfect hero. He is everything I look for in a male protagonist and Siby, I can’t thank you enough for bringing him into my life. <3
Sexy, steamy, heartfelt and real, this book has the lot!
Emma- 4 Crowns
“Because Of Kian, is a story of recovery, acceptance and love...” – Emma, Perusing Princesses
Brynn is a woman struggling to recover from a traumatic and abusive relationship. Moving to Bitteroot to escape her violent ex Evan, she is living a self imposed lonely and insular existence, going through the motions of life, having cut off from her parents and alienating herself from her friends. In an effort to break her self-damaging lifestyle choices, she starts to attend the local club, Hyper. She drinks alone, dances alone and leaves alone... these evenings a salve on her sorry life.
Leaving the club one night she is brutally attacked by Evan who has tracked her down. Help arrives in the form of a longhaired, motorcycle riding and martial art instructor, Kian.
Kian has watched this beautiful, quiet girl over the last few months… she has captivated him. He steps in to save and protect her from the physical abuse she receives at the hands of her ex but what he doesn’t realise is the hardest part is yet to come; saving her from herself.
Will he be Brynn' s salvation?
Will he earn her trust?
And most importantly of all, will he be able to take Brynn on a journey of acceptance to discover who she really is?
Brynn is a character that you cannot help but feel sorry for, she really has suffered at the hands of her abusive ex and as with many survivors of domestic abuse, she blames herself.
Kian is the perfect night in shining armour, oh how I loved his protective instinct - his gentleness and his determination to be with Brynn, no matter what! I did find myself a little frustrated at some of Brynn' s thought processes and actions and the effect they had on the lovely Kian, but her experiences have seriously fucked her up so I found myself putting myself in her shoes; she feels worthless and ashamed of who she is and what she needs.
Kian has his own past experiences and uses them to understand and show her what it means to embrace those tendencies, and learn to open up to love.
This really is an enjoyable book. Yes, it has a heavy subject matter but I wouldn't call it a dark romance by any means. Because Of Kian is a love story about moving on from your past, accepting your needs, learning to trust in another and finding happiness in your choices. It contains lots of steam and has a light BDSM tone, (although don't expect leather and whips) :)
There are a few secondary characters, such as the villain in Evan, Brynn's friend Sage and her daughter Mattie, Rose the therapist and the vindictive cougar Holly. They are very much secondary characters though so the story really does focus entirely on Brynn and Kian making it very character-driven between both main protagonists, as it is told in alternating POV's.
I highly recommend this read if you enjoy you damaged heroine and a knight in shining armour… Alpha style :)